Back to blogging!!!

I know! I know! It’s been a long time since I have posted a blog post. I was not busy though. I had some issues that needed to be sort out mentally to bring myself back again with a thump. And FINALLY! Here I am. In these invisible time period, I passed through a lot of life changing events along with my character change where I have new areas of interests. And while I was away from blogging I had a list of things crossing my mind to make it into a blog post which I haven’t done. But as I have returned for good, I wish I could pen down all those into my blog for the next few days. Here I am ending this post with this short start over description. J J

Cupid and I

I was listening to Taylor Swift’s “Love story”. Whenever I hear this I happened to remember few good old times I had in my past. And with the sequence comes some bad old memories too stabbing my heart and bleeding me to infinity of death. Whatever it may be this song always stayed in my playlist ever since I’ve heard it the first time. But unfortunately today I seemed to enjoy the song for the song as it is and once it ended I was surprised to find myself being happy.

Surprised by the unrevealed mystery that is lying behind my happiness I started pondering over the conversation I had with my friend earlier that day. I lay down in my bed humming the song I last heard and was deeply immersed in my thoughts when I suddenly noticed a shadow that was quietly approaching me. There wasn’t any kind of hustle with the shadow and I felt like it was actually flying. Bewildered, I turn back to find no one behind me or there wasn’t any sign of an intruder in my room. I sat up straight and looked around the room by closely observing each and every thing that was kept in my room. Everything stayed as before untouched. Surprised by the thought of not having an intruder, I reached the door and bolted it and came back to my bed.

 

And now in that dead-silence I was able to sense someone staring at me so close. I gathered up some courage to start the conversation myself.

“Who is it? Is there someone behind me?”

I heard a chuckle. I turned back to see no one. I was terrified and started sweating like hell. At that instance I felt soft breeze caressing my body and making each and every cell in my body rejuvenate. This was a feeling something I had a long back. It felt good though. I now knew who and what they have done to me again.

Yes. It’s the cupid again.

“Hey, cupid! Stop doing this thing to me again. I know it’s you. Why don’t you just stop playing with me once for all?” I screamed as if I was severely wounded.

“Relax! I’ve showered goodness for you always and even now I’ve come to do some good to you” said the unseen cupid in a malleable voice.

“Goodness? Damn. You must be seriously joking Mr.Cupid” I said with sarcasm filling my voice.
There was a strange silence for few seconds. I had an evil smile which made me happy with the thought that I have proved him wrong. Then I heard the Cupid speaking up.

“Look. Every time I come for giving you love you accepted it happily. But why do you stop me this time alone?”

“Yeah. I was a dumb back then Mr. Cupid. I believed in Love and I believed in you that you would strike hard only when there is real love. But I have failed to understand that you do not choose well in giving your love to people. You merely give it to everyone you find feasible. And it’s because of you I’ve end up with unsuccessful relationships. And now you’ve come all the way again to give me some love for which I am going to regret after few years just like the way I did before. Is this what you are created for?” I busted out in rage.

I could hear a chuckle from his side. It made me more ferocious. I was not making fun here I thought.
“Dear little girl. What do you think my duty is? I find people who are feasible to fall in love and I just strike them hard showering them love and good. Apart from that I have nothing to do with people and their lives. Do you think I am the reason for your unsuccessful relationships in the past? If you think so then you are totally getting me wrong sweetheart.”

“How am I getting you wrong? It’s you who makes us fall in love, remember?” I mumbled.

“Yeah. I make you fall in love. But how am I supposed to be the reason for what happens after that. Now, let’s take your past relationship as an example. You had a crush for this guy. And I thought you were ready for love and I stuck you with love. And the same happened with him. I played the role of heart between you both. But then my work was over. You both were in a relationship for the past 3 years and you’ve come to know that apart from heart you have lots to be shared and accepted in each other and as you were not able to cope with things you ended up in an unsuccessful relationship. Now you blame me for that.”

“Who am I to blame then Mr. Cupid? It was you who made me fall in love before my mind think and act right?”

“Yeah you are right. I don’t allow you to think and act when I play my role. But let me tell you another example of your love. You found a good friend who was so fond of you. I thought you both could make great friends with unconditional love and I stuck playing the role of the heart. And you are still being happy with her friendship and your love for her grows and doesn’t decrease. In this case you have to praise me for throwing love to you. But you don’t praise me and instead you corner me for your unsuccessful relationship. This is the thing that happens all around the globe.”

“What? Are you mad? There’s a lot of difference between friendship and love Mr. Cupid. I hope you better understand that first.”

“My dear girl. I have understood it well. But it’s you the humans who haven’t understood love yet. Do you know why? People just think love is where a guy meets a girl and falls for her and they get into a relationship with a label of LOVE. Just think of your parents who fell in love with you even before you were born. Your brother who loves you from the day he was born and loves you more even after you fight over every silly thing. Your friends who loved you since childhood. Your pet that loves you from the day you bought him. The grandma who is near your home who loves you from the day you started spending some time with her speaking and making her feel loved. The list goes on and you have to understand that it was me who strike all these people every time and made them love you. Love doesn’t end up with a boy-girl relationship sweetie. Love is in the air. Every single breath you take in gives you some love for your life and makes you alive. When there’s no love there won’t be human existence at all.”

“I can understand. But still I wanted you to accept the fact that only the love in a boy-girl relationship gives so much pain. And the other relationships neither break easy nor pain hard too.”

“You are totally wrong. Every relationship has its mighty strength. When you think the other relationships are strong enough then you have unconditional love sustaining there. When there is lack of love in a relationship there enters lack of faith, trust and companionship which leads to an unsuccessful relationship. Once you have failed it doesn’t mean you could stop with that. Love is created to be shown, shared and spread.”

“Maybe you are right. But I don’t have the strength to fall in love with anyone again. It’s just that am scared of failure.”

“I’m right. I haven’t come here for showing you love. You’ve already known it well. So once again getting to know about love is not that hard but it’s in your hands to maintain it or ruin it. I thought you are ready for my arrows and roses one another time and so here I have come with it to strike you. And you would have known that I already did. So never frown for what has happened earlier in your life. Keep showering your love whenever and to whomever possible and never ever expect for the same from them because sometimes I might be yet to strike them. Love showers on your way my girl”

I heard a chuckle again and the shadow was moving towards the window sill. I turned back to see Mr. Cupid and there was no trace of him. Instead I found my friend walking with a bunch of red roses towards my doorsteps.

Filthy Minds!!!

Unlike the other days I could find the whole city crowded with people who are in a hurry to complete their last minute purchases for the Diwali festival which falls after two days. I came out of my office and took my usual road to bus stand watching crowded streets and the various expressions each and every single person is carrying with them. I could find a mother trying to soothe her son who is crying for some toy but her efforts were in a vein and the little boy won the toy which gave an angry and exasperated look over the mother’s face. I was being a silent spectator over many such incidents on my way and finally after 10 minutes I reached the bus stop where I usually get bus to home.

After 5 minutes wait the bus which I have to get in came to the stop with a halt. There was a huge crowd to get down from the bus and within a minute I was inside the bus with so much of fuss and the bus was once again filled in completely. I have been working for about 8 months and this is the first time I am looking into these buses getting crowded and I thought the festival season has bought so many people come out of their house and the government transportations are making a lot of money.

The bus is unbelievably crowded where I was not even able to turn my head to face the conductor for getting the tickets. Somehow after quiet a struggle I was able to get my ticket and I felt a sigh of relief. I could sense my nostrils inhaling and exhaling hot air which was filled with a mixture of smell with flowers, sweets, sweat and many such. I gasped for an instance and felt slight giddiness due to those smell. But somehow I managed myself not to fall and held the bars above my head firmly.

In every stop though people got down in bulk I could see more people getting in. I felt the cold sweat flowing right from my forehead to my cheeks and slid through my neck and ended up within my dress making my dress wet with every single drop of it. I hate getting sweated completely but I couldn't help it now.

I felt a kind of chillness striking my body suddenly and before I could understand what was that I was been touched by someone from behind. A hand slowly slid between my legs and before I could react I could find that hand moving from my knee to my thigh slowly but firmly. I sensed that something is not right. At the very instance I was struggling to get free but it wasn’t that easy as the bus was loaded and I was not sure where and who was trying to do this. I hardly had place to turn and see and I was shocked to find a man in the age of 40s sitting in the seat and trying to do such a disgusting thing to a girl of his daughter’s age.  When I saw him, he saw me but the next moment he avoided me and went on with his work in moving his hands throughout my leg and I felt like a million earthworms were moving over my body and making me nauseating the very instant.

I decided not to create a scene as I was not interested in letting the people in the whole bus know what a man of my father’s age is doing to me and I was not ready to face the sympathetic eyes which are going to fall over me. I tried my best to make some room for myself within the crown to make myself comfortable for what I am going to do next. I slowly but boldly took my leg and stamped that man’s leg and the next moment he started screaming out of pain. I let out a big sigh of relief. He took his hands and started murmuring something while I stamped his other leg as hard as I can and moved my way towards the steps and stood near the steps. This time I could find that man looking at me angrily and I never cared to give another glance at that piece of shit and turned with a satisfaction of taking my revenge.

There were still 2 more stops to go and I could feel sweat flowing like a falls all over my body and my hands were still trembling and I was not able to get out from what has just happened. While I was lost in my very own world I heard a sudden fuss within the crowd inside the bus and some lady has started abusing and finally that disgusting creature was pulled out of the bus by the conductor. I heard that lady shouting and I felt like she is voicing for me. I felt thankful to her. 

Someone worth living for...

“Mithra!!!”

“Hey you! What’s got into you Mithra?” Vinu shook Mithra harder which made her come back to her senses.

“Uh… What Vinu?” asked Mithra in a weary voice

“Not again! It’s already 6 pm and our cab would leave in another 10 minutes. Do you have an idea to catch the cab?” shrugged Vinu.

“Have to catch it for sure Vinu. Am sorry I got held up with my thoughts. Come on lets go”

Both of them rushed towards the big hallway climbing down the steps and came to the parking area where they found their cab was ready to leave.

They got into the cab and it started moving swiftly with some Hindi track playing in the tape. Mithra slightly bent towards the window and took deep breaths of air. She felt quiet comforting. Her mind drifted away to the day she had that conversation with Nithin.

They had a misunderstanding and it turned out to an argument very fast. Mithra found that they are going too far and so she just left without another word to make the argument to a stop.

It’s been a week since they both had the argument and neither nithin nor mithra spoke. They kept silent.

Mithra felt that silence doesn’t make the situation turn out any better. So she has decided to talk to nithin once she gets back to home. But she was hesitated and not knowing how to start the conversation, she was thinking over it the whole day which made her lost in her thoughts.

It’s been an hour of travel and finally she got down in her home. The cab dropped her and rushed through the busy road.

Mithra took out the keys from her handbag and reached out for the door and she found someone calling her name. She turned back and saw nithin leaning over her apartment grill with his ever lovable smile.

Mithra couldn’t believe her own eyes and mumbled some words in joy.

“Hey mithu… don’t get startled… am back!!!”

“Huh.. When did you come here? Why didn’t you call me? Are you so mad at me?... “

“Hey hey hey relax babes… how long are you gonna make me wait at your door steps? Aren’t you gonna let me in?

“Oh am really sorry! Come in” saying she unlocked her apartment door.

Nithin sat over the sofa and made himself comfortable while mithra was standing at the door and watching him.

“Hey baby doll… come na why do you stand there and stare at me as if I’ve did some crime”

“No nithin. It’s not a crime but still you have done something that you shouldn’t have and u know that it would hurt me”

“Yeah mithu… am really really sorry for that and now am here for your apology.” Saying he stood from the sofa and came near her.

She felt so warm having him around her and she couldn’t resist crying. Tears rolled over her eyes and as she closed her eyes to hide it, the tear rolled over her cheeks and landed up in nithin’s hand.

“Baby please.. Stop crying na. I know it’s my mistake and I don’t want to do it again and this 1 week of silence between us already killed half of my soul and don’t try killing the remaining with your tears. “ saying he wiped her tears.

“And hey as I said earlier u still look beautiful when you cry” said nithin winking his eyes.

Mithra couldn’t say a word but she managed just to say “thanks for coming this far to give this compliment nithin”

“Hey do you think I came for just giving you this compliment. I ve come for getting apology from my princess and guess what you have a surprise”

“Surprise? What is it nithin?”

He took out a picture of her with her parents framed in broad silver with miniature art works embraced over it.

“OMG!!! That’s really a hell of a surprise and thanks a ton nithin. But how did you managed to get this picture?”

“I got it from your parents”

“What? When did you go to my parents place? And why didn’t you say me?”

“Baby, I am sorry that I was quiet pissed off that day and when you were saying that you missed your parents picture I was not that interested in hearing your worries and I yelled at you for worrying over a picture. But then once you stopped your argument and moved away I suddenly felt that I was hit hard by the reality of what I have done to you. And am really sorry for what I said and I do know how much that picture meant for you. So I thought of straightening up things and thus I went to your hometown to get the picture of you and your parents and now am here with it”

Mithra felt relieved at once hearing that because she had a thought that nothing didn’t really notice how much she loved her parents and how much she missed them around her by working some 10,000 miles away from them. She could not speak but still she hugged him with tears flowing through her eyes and wetting his shirt.

“I love you mithu and I promise I wouldn’t hurt you anymore”

“I love you too nithin”

And that’s when nithin played the song of Shayne ward in his tab…  

I don’t wanna leave you here all by yourself

I just wanna let you know I’m there for you,

Like no one else

I don’t wanna drift off to another place

I just wanna lay here in your arms, with your hand on my face…

So lets not ever tell the moon about the Sun

I’ll keep hearing love songs, hoping every wrongs undone

It’s foolish, buy we’ve only just begun

I don’t wanna stop this; all my walls are cavin’ in

I wanna give you something worth living for

Oh yeah

I wanna tell you this and so much more

My everything, my universe

I’m so mesmerized by your serenity

Hopefully you’ll take me there, inside your dreams

Just like autumn leaves I’m falling over you

It’s so unbelievable, but you, so true…

Our imperfections are so beautiful right now

I don’t even see them, only diamonds now, remain

Its crazy how without making sound

You can make me feel things; all my walls are cavin’ in

I wanna give you something worth living for

Oh yeah

You’re something worth living for…

HAKUNA MATATA!!!

HAKUNA MATATA means NO WORRIES…

I use this phrase very often in my life when I still knew that there is no life without worries…

Every person has to live their life irrespective of whatever happens in their life…

When I used to be a child I don’t think I would have any worries… But when I think deep I could realize that I too was worried about various instances like losing my pencil, crying for a Barbie doll, starting up silly fights with our friends etc.,But these worries make us smile whenever we think about it.. If all our worries could make us smile one day which makes us to cherish our memories how pleasant it would be…

Though we think of having such sweet memories of worries we still have some painful worries which will turn out to be haunting memories when we recollect them… I have one such worry which still stays the same or even gets increased whenever I think of it… I was in my 6^th grade… I was in my first day of class when my new class teacher introduced herself and asked each and every student in the class to get introduced with basic information’s. All my friends were saying about their name, their parents name, what is their parents occupation and where they are coming from. When it was my turn I just started off with my name, my mom’s name, my uncles name, what my mom is doing, what my uncle is doing that’s when the teacher stopped me and said,

“Child, you must also include your father’s name and occupation so that we could get to know him too”

I was really puzzled like what I have to say and how to say because all I knew about a father is that his name and that I don’t have one.

“Miss, I don’t have father, I dono where he is because my mother said he expired. I only know my uncle, my mother, grandmother and aunt” I said.

I think the teacher understood what I was trying to say, so she passed on to the next student without any further questions. But I was not able to let it go off so easily. Till my 5^th grade none of my teachers used to ask me anything about my father and so I had no chance of thinking about him. And when my friends speak about their father I always remember speaking about my uncle. As I had my uncle I didn’t worry much about not having a father. But then I understood that I am a grownup girl and I have to get to know about my father. Since then I was trying to investigate about my father at my home every now and then by asking about my father to my grandma who only speaks about him to me as the others never speak off him thinking I would start yearning for his love. Though I asked many questions to my grandma she answered only a few which was not enough for me.

“Grandma, where is my dad?”

“He is in heaven baby”

Why he went there?”

“Because God wanted him to be with him so he took him”

“But we also want dad na? I always find my friend’s father’s dropping them at school, buying them all they need. But only uncle or mom drops me or buy me what I need. I also want dad to buy and give me toys na? God doesn’t have his own dad huh?”

“No dear. A good person always goes soon to God to serve him. Whatever you need you just ask us because your father left you with us to do all the things he needs to do”

“Will my dad look like Lord Ganesha?”

“No dear. But you can always find you dad’s presence near Lord Ganesha”

Though I have seen my parent’s wedding album after my 10^th grade I used to think of him every single time when I pray Lord Ganesha. I felt happy and even proud that only my dad got the chance to stay near God while others dad where not able to go and I haven’t said this to anyone though.

We find our self more innocent in our childhood days once when we grow up. What once we thought of a gift turns out to be a terrible pain by hitting us with the reality harder than we think.

When I was growing I slowly realized that I was a girl who’s father expired 3 months before her birth by getting all kinds of curse’s from the merciless world for being born with her father killed. Every relative I knew knowingly or unknowingly blamed me for my father’s death which made me think me as a murderer. At this time I also lost my grandma who used to speak with me about my father. I had no courage to go and ask my mother about this thinking she would be worried.

But an incident before few days made me heart-breaking. My dad’s big brother fell sick and expired due to unhealthy diet. When I went for the funeral every single person who came there saw me and expressed their grief in the same manner saying “You lost your father before your birth. But how unlucky, you lost your uncle too now”… The truth is my uncle doesn’t even care about me or my mother till his death which I was surprised to find not even a single person could understand.

Above all my aunt (my passed away uncle’s wife) started crying when she saw me saying “you killed your father and now see you have also killed your uncle. What is my family going to do without your uncle?”

I was into a great shock. How on earth could I be the reason for killing my dad and my uncle? My dad met with an accident unfortunately and my uncle had very bad eating habits which was the real reasons. But still I had to take the blame of killing two people in my family which makes me feel real bad.

When such things have to happen in our life only then we are not able to digest the phrase “HAKUNA MATATA” because though we think of not letting any worries stay in our mind or letting the worries go off there are some worries which creates a painful memory in our heart making us remember these moments or worries every single minute of our life.

But still I try to get out of these by uttering this phrase very often. And it is my wallpaper in my mobile and lap too with a hope off making my worries into NO WORRIES…

HAKUNA MATATA!!!

Vanished Memories!!!

I stand beneath the oak tree
pounding over
the good old memories
of our intimacy!

The days fell short
and nights grew long
missing each of our proximity
we spend it together!

Wandering over the empty streets
or sailing through the loaded streets
never minding of the surrounding
so deeply mesmerized in love!

Giggling at silly jokes 
teasing over the little secrets
we conceded our meetings
melting our hearts each moment!

Whispering at each other’s ears 
and holding hands with comfort
after mad fights and tiny wars
meant to prolong that jiffy till death! 

Lovely days are those
which may never come back 
and I sit beneath the oak tree
cherishing those vanished memories!

Cryptic laws of India…

Where on the world are we living in?

Once I was proud and happy to name it as INDIA… And still I am in some situations. But the recent trend of few culprits has made me think of where I was living all these years…

Incident 1:

2 women was tied up in the middle of the street and beaten for trying to steal from a house. They were beaten severely by the citizens and the media covered them getting beaten and finally after half a day of punishment they were handed to the police.

Incident 2:

As you all know, a young girl of 23 was been raped by a gang of 6 men on a running bus and she is in comma after 2 major surgeries. And the culprits were caught and provided with long term imprisonment.  

These are the two incidents which made me fear of living in this country for sure. What is the kind of law do we follow in this country? Are we still having any right to claim India as a Democratic country which servers FOR THE PEOPLE, BY THE PEOPLE AND TO THE PEOPLE… I seriously doubt it…

With regard to the first incident:

When there is a huge corruption or theft happening with regard to the 2G spectrum issue in India there wasn’t any single citizen who had the guts to catch the person responsible for that corruption and punish him. Everyone was watching the television and exclaiming about the loop holes in our Indian law which made those culprits escape from the verdict of law. But the coward citizens have caught 2 women who tried to loot and had beaten them so hard. Is this the place to show your guts? By beating tat 2 women do these men think they have lifted up India to a step forward? NEVER…

With regard to the second incident:

Hell no!!! I do live in a place where a girl has no freedom even to travel alone in a private bus that too in the capital of India. Bharathiyar, the great poet, said the freedom of India can be celebrated only when a young girl is allowed to walk in the road in midnight with full of jewels and her virginity kept safe till she returns to her home. But that man and his sayings are never gonna become true in our holistic country. Each and every day the urge for unrealistic body pleasure is growing more in the minds of Indian men. What has caused such a degrading  change to our society? Hell only the GOD knew it… 

After this big crime a culprit finds himself guilty and shameful for doing do and he wished to be hanged. Ha ha ha what a joke… Is he making fun of the Indian constitution who works with the very old laws and says that the law cannot be changed for few crimes and so they cannot be hanged and instead has offered them a long term imprisonment or is he making fun of himself saying he feels guilty once when he enjoyed the act of rapping an unknown girl along with his mates just to show himself in the eyes of the people that he has done the act without his knowledge or whatever the so called reason it is. And after all these the media or the police are not even trying to leak out even a single picture of those culprits and trying to hide them which shows the importance the government gives to the citizens of its country.

What kind of constitution is ours? Is there any law that when a person is caught for a small theft can be beaten up by the citizens themselves and when some rich men was caught in a very huge loot can be given freedom with so many excuses???

And if a girl is been raped by a gang of men and when the citizen’s claim for hanging as the punishment for the crime, there comes the human rights commission saying awkward reasons in saving the culprits saying them as mere human beings. I do need to ask these people of human rights commission 1 question… If the same girl has been your daughter/sister/wife would you be coming up to speak the same way to save those culprits from hanging??? Whatsoever is the case there must be at-least a bit of integrity to be maintained by both the government of India and the human rights commission.

And its been 5days the students have started to protest against this issue but still no improvement and there has been 3 more incidents of such rape has taken place in our country which clearly shows that India is no more a place for women to live in peacefully. Its in the hands of the women to take good care of them and safeguard them from the perverts and no law or constitution in India is going to be changed to help the women community.

This is not the first incident happening in Delhi and in whole of India and it is also not going to be the last incident…

Being a citizen of India I am least proud in posting this…