HAKUNA MATATA!!!

HAKUNA MATATA means NO WORRIES…

I use this phrase very often in my life when I still knew that there is no life without worries…

Every person has to live their life irrespective of whatever happens in their life…

When I used to be a child I don’t think I would have any worries… But when I think deep I could realize that I too was worried about various instances like losing my pencil, crying for a Barbie doll, starting up silly fights with our friends etc.,But these worries make us smile whenever we think about it.. If all our worries could make us smile one day which makes us to cherish our memories how pleasant it would be…

Though we think of having such sweet memories of worries we still have some painful worries which will turn out to be haunting memories when we recollect them… I have one such worry which still stays the same or even gets increased whenever I think of it… I was in my 6^th grade… I was in my first day of class when my new class teacher introduced herself and asked each and every student in the class to get introduced with basic information’s. All my friends were saying about their name, their parents name, what is their parents occupation and where they are coming from. When it was my turn I just started off with my name, my mom’s name, my uncles name, what my mom is doing, what my uncle is doing that’s when the teacher stopped me and said,

“Child, you must also include your father’s name and occupation so that we could get to know him too”

I was really puzzled like what I have to say and how to say because all I knew about a father is that his name and that I don’t have one.

“Miss, I don’t have father, I dono where he is because my mother said he expired. I only know my uncle, my mother, grandmother and aunt” I said.

I think the teacher understood what I was trying to say, so she passed on to the next student without any further questions. But I was not able to let it go off so easily. Till my 5^th grade none of my teachers used to ask me anything about my father and so I had no chance of thinking about him. And when my friends speak about their father I always remember speaking about my uncle. As I had my uncle I didn’t worry much about not having a father. But then I understood that I am a grownup girl and I have to get to know about my father. Since then I was trying to investigate about my father at my home every now and then by asking about my father to my grandma who only speaks about him to me as the others never speak off him thinking I would start yearning for his love. Though I asked many questions to my grandma she answered only a few which was not enough for me.

“Grandma, where is my dad?”

“He is in heaven baby”

Why he went there?”

“Because God wanted him to be with him so he took him”

“But we also want dad na? I always find my friend’s father’s dropping them at school, buying them all they need. But only uncle or mom drops me or buy me what I need. I also want dad to buy and give me toys na? God doesn’t have his own dad huh?”

“No dear. A good person always goes soon to God to serve him. Whatever you need you just ask us because your father left you with us to do all the things he needs to do”

“Will my dad look like Lord Ganesha?”

“No dear. But you can always find you dad’s presence near Lord Ganesha”

Though I have seen my parent’s wedding album after my 10^th grade I used to think of him every single time when I pray Lord Ganesha. I felt happy and even proud that only my dad got the chance to stay near God while others dad where not able to go and I haven’t said this to anyone though.

We find our self more innocent in our childhood days once when we grow up. What once we thought of a gift turns out to be a terrible pain by hitting us with the reality harder than we think.

When I was growing I slowly realized that I was a girl who’s father expired 3 months before her birth by getting all kinds of curse’s from the merciless world for being born with her father killed. Every relative I knew knowingly or unknowingly blamed me for my father’s death which made me think me as a murderer. At this time I also lost my grandma who used to speak with me about my father. I had no courage to go and ask my mother about this thinking she would be worried.

But an incident before few days made me heart-breaking. My dad’s big brother fell sick and expired due to unhealthy diet. When I went for the funeral every single person who came there saw me and expressed their grief in the same manner saying “You lost your father before your birth. But how unlucky, you lost your uncle too now”… The truth is my uncle doesn’t even care about me or my mother till his death which I was surprised to find not even a single person could understand.

Above all my aunt (my passed away uncle’s wife) started crying when she saw me saying “you killed your father and now see you have also killed your uncle. What is my family going to do without your uncle?”

I was into a great shock. How on earth could I be the reason for killing my dad and my uncle? My dad met with an accident unfortunately and my uncle had very bad eating habits which was the real reasons. But still I had to take the blame of killing two people in my family which makes me feel real bad.

When such things have to happen in our life only then we are not able to digest the phrase “HAKUNA MATATA” because though we think of not letting any worries stay in our mind or letting the worries go off there are some worries which creates a painful memory in our heart making us remember these moments or worries every single minute of our life.

But still I try to get out of these by uttering this phrase very often. And it is my wallpaper in my mobile and lap too with a hope off making my worries into NO WORRIES…

HAKUNA MATATA!!!

Vanished Memories!!!

I stand beneath the oak tree
pounding over
the good old memories
of our intimacy!

The days fell short
and nights grew long
missing each of our proximity
we spend it together!

Wandering over the empty streets
or sailing through the loaded streets
never minding of the surrounding
so deeply mesmerized in love!

Giggling at silly jokes 
teasing over the little secrets
we conceded our meetings
melting our hearts each moment!

Whispering at each other’s ears 
and holding hands with comfort
after mad fights and tiny wars
meant to prolong that jiffy till death! 

Lovely days are those
which may never come back 
and I sit beneath the oak tree
cherishing those vanished memories!

Cryptic laws of India…

Where on the world are we living in?

Once I was proud and happy to name it as INDIA… And still I am in some situations. But the recent trend of few culprits has made me think of where I was living all these years…

Incident 1:

2 women was tied up in the middle of the street and beaten for trying to steal from a house. They were beaten severely by the citizens and the media covered them getting beaten and finally after half a day of punishment they were handed to the police.

Incident 2:

As you all know, a young girl of 23 was been raped by a gang of 6 men on a running bus and she is in comma after 2 major surgeries. And the culprits were caught and provided with long term imprisonment.  

These are the two incidents which made me fear of living in this country for sure. What is the kind of law do we follow in this country? Are we still having any right to claim India as a Democratic country which servers FOR THE PEOPLE, BY THE PEOPLE AND TO THE PEOPLE… I seriously doubt it…

With regard to the first incident:

When there is a huge corruption or theft happening with regard to the 2G spectrum issue in India there wasn’t any single citizen who had the guts to catch the person responsible for that corruption and punish him. Everyone was watching the television and exclaiming about the loop holes in our Indian law which made those culprits escape from the verdict of law. But the coward citizens have caught 2 women who tried to loot and had beaten them so hard. Is this the place to show your guts? By beating tat 2 women do these men think they have lifted up India to a step forward? NEVER…

With regard to the second incident:

Hell no!!! I do live in a place where a girl has no freedom even to travel alone in a private bus that too in the capital of India. Bharathiyar, the great poet, said the freedom of India can be celebrated only when a young girl is allowed to walk in the road in midnight with full of jewels and her virginity kept safe till she returns to her home. But that man and his sayings are never gonna become true in our holistic country. Each and every day the urge for unrealistic body pleasure is growing more in the minds of Indian men. What has caused such a degrading  change to our society? Hell only the GOD knew it… 

After this big crime a culprit finds himself guilty and shameful for doing do and he wished to be hanged. Ha ha ha what a joke… Is he making fun of the Indian constitution who works with the very old laws and says that the law cannot be changed for few crimes and so they cannot be hanged and instead has offered them a long term imprisonment or is he making fun of himself saying he feels guilty once when he enjoyed the act of rapping an unknown girl along with his mates just to show himself in the eyes of the people that he has done the act without his knowledge or whatever the so called reason it is. And after all these the media or the police are not even trying to leak out even a single picture of those culprits and trying to hide them which shows the importance the government gives to the citizens of its country.

What kind of constitution is ours? Is there any law that when a person is caught for a small theft can be beaten up by the citizens themselves and when some rich men was caught in a very huge loot can be given freedom with so many excuses???

And if a girl is been raped by a gang of men and when the citizen’s claim for hanging as the punishment for the crime, there comes the human rights commission saying awkward reasons in saving the culprits saying them as mere human beings. I do need to ask these people of human rights commission 1 question… If the same girl has been your daughter/sister/wife would you be coming up to speak the same way to save those culprits from hanging??? Whatsoever is the case there must be at-least a bit of integrity to be maintained by both the government of India and the human rights commission.

And its been 5days the students have started to protest against this issue but still no improvement and there has been 3 more incidents of such rape has taken place in our country which clearly shows that India is no more a place for women to live in peacefully. Its in the hands of the women to take good care of them and safeguard them from the perverts and no law or constitution in India is going to be changed to help the women community.

This is not the first incident happening in Delhi and in whole of India and it is also not going to be the last incident…

Being a citizen of India I am least proud in posting this… 

A transition...

Hello people!!!

I have finally joined in my aspiring course MSW (Masters of Social Work). I was having so many ideas running through my mind once I got relieved from my job. But since my childhood I was aspiring to become a social worker and once when I grew up I found MSW as a course which concurs with my long-lasting wish.

As a result of it obviously I went for an admission with MSW course and waiting for the college to get started with a new phase of my life. This is how I was thinking until I joined this course. But in this few days of time I realized few totally diverse thoughts about me and my ideas and guess this was really a transaction phase of my life. The few questions that I asked myself are:

·        

      What am I really gonna do by learning this course?
       Am I gonna do social service to the people through this learning process?
       But why can’t I do it by being in some other work?
       Is it really necessary to stop working and go in for learning?
      And by learning this will I be able to serve people better?

I was such a naïve for all these days and even now. I am really not able to take a right decision I guess. But what so ever be the result is I have decided to go on with my studies and once decision is made there must not be any looking back. And the answers for these questions are:

·        

      I always thought of helping and serving people. But never really had chance to do it nonchalantly. Though I am basically a person who would go for help voluntarily and at times I even put in few extra taken for fulfilling my wishes by going to orphanages and old age homes, I have no clear approach of how to move with people and handle all kind of people by handling my work with service and it directed me to minor time utilization for my obsession of serving. So by joining this course I would not have any work related stress and with some extra time usage I would be able to concentrate on my passion and make myself fit in right along with it. 

    Service basically doesn’t depend on the work or place or time a person is in. But it’s the effort he puts in whole heartedly in serving to his fellow people right from his own family and friends. Though I knew these well, I still wanted to make myself dedicated to my passion than running around for unrealistic money which weighs human beings these days despite of a persons character, love and affection towards each other even though they are our own family. 

Being a girl I have limited space to move on in this society but being a human being I have this whole world to wrap it under my love and affection. Thus this is quiet a transition in my life.

Your valuable suggestions are always accepted whole heartedly…

Wish me luck guys!!! 

A tribute to my friendship...

Hello all!!!

Friendship is the 2nd best thing which will happen to each and every living things on this earth next to our parents... Even animals celebrate a great deal of friendship than human beings apart from all kinds of selfishness, greediness, back bitings, fake affections and betrayals...

Though my life is a fusion of all such good and bad friendships, I do feel happy for being a girl who still believes in the word FRIENDSHIP and so as the persons called FRIENDS...

I have to offer a ton of thanks to my friends who made my world so special and who are still holding a special place in my heart...

• My first and best childhood friend "Karpagam"
• My first friend in my school and still she is ma good friend "Kaviya"
• A friend who was close for around 5 years and gave me a life long pain in my heart (I still treasure your friendship da) "Kowsalya"
• A friend who accepted me as I am and never bargained for anything with my Friendship "Anita, Ambica, Malathi, Saranya"
• A friend who helped me a lot when am in great stress (Though am not in contact with you I still love you and will treasure your friendship till my death dear) "Vimala"

Though there are lots more friends to wish for their valuable friendship, these few friends made my life to live as i am today... Thanks a ton to you all... Love you all buddies :) :) :) 

On this friendship day, its MAYA wishing you all a HAPPY & JOYOUS FRIENDSHIP DAY with all those good old memories we had with our friends which makes our life beautiful to live on... 

Silly plea’s of a naive

“Ma I feel like I’ve got fever”

“Ma I feel like vomiting”

“Ma I have severe stomach ache”

“Ma I feel dizzy”

And the list of my Silly plea’s gets extended each and every day until I have completed my 10^th grade at school. I was a below average student until my 10^th grade and I was the best example of a student who wants to get away from that student life which was considered to be a HELL by most of the students and myself as well.

The above given are few reasons or excuses I would quiet often give my mother in order to stay at home. But who might not know about us and our silly excuses. My mother was such a clever women who would never make me take leave on even special occasions.

“Its ok dear. I’ll give u tablet for fever and you’ll be okay in a fraction of minute”

“Oh… Is it so… Don’t worry betti… I’ll give the kashayam and you won’t ever feel vomiting”

These are the instant answers she might have for making me stop acting and go off to school the next second as am not really interested in taking medicines and some kashayam’s which would taste like some mud.

Apart from these there are so many silly reasons I have said to my mother, and when I get to remember those now, I can’t stop laughing over my innocence and stupidity.

Once I was asked to get something from my relative who lives in the next street. And I reached their home around 11 in the morning. They have two kids and me being a girl who loves to play was so happy seeing them and forgot the reason why I went there and instead I started playing with them. The time rolled over and it was around 2 in the afternoon when my mother came to their home searching for me. That’s it. I was into a big shock seeing my mother because only then I remembered the reason I have went there. The next minute I started crying with fear and ran towards her saying “Ma, they only made me to play with them. I was not at all playing, I was simply looking at them play” like that and lots more silly blah blah’s which my mother was least cared of listening to those. And you might have guessed the beatings and scolding’s I would have got from my lovable mother.

Many such silly plea’s are stored in each and every single of our memories making those moments a treasure chest to be kept safe throughout our lives… But we are grown up and these days there are no silly plea’s instead there is lies, hatred, commands and arguments which makes every single of our relationship like a wrecked ship. And everyone of us are searching for ways of handling our relationships and guess we would get the answers soon.

Have a lovely week ahead with your dear and near ones J

The slight contour flanked by relationships

There was a time were people are bound together with intimacy among their relationships. India was once been celebrated for its traditions and cultures which are our basic traits. But along with the years the culture and tradition changed too. There is no love, care or affection left in most of the human’s heart and instead rivalry, selfishness and vengeance took over their minds and hearts making them stay away from their relatives and traditions. I have been witnessing the fact of this shifting culture for the past few decades.

There are many foreigners who are obsessed with the rich culture and traditions of India which brings them to India. But we Indians have started being mesmerized with the foreign culture and started living according to it which is not acceptable in India. But still the change happens every second and guess there won’t be any so-called-culture in our India.

But am not to speak of any cultural differences of cultural changes here. This post is all about a brother-sister relationship and how it bloomed and how it was forced to get it withered by itself with my true story as a depiction. And yes, it was the post out of my severe pain which I got to undergo from this relationship.

1988:

On one sunny morning, in the month of March, I came out from my mother’s womb breathing my first wheeze of air. And I found all my relatives surrounding me and some whispered sadly or I being a girl and some were extremely happy for getting a child what so ever be it, a girl or boy. Right then I found that I was been lifted by a handsome guy in his teens lifting me with so much of love, care and affection. It was my brother, my first cousin. And I was attracted to him on the first sight as like a love at first sight.

1991:

I was entering my school for the first time in my whole life for my kinder garden. I was not aware of what exactly a school would look like. I was dropped in school with my mother and brother. I was happy in wearing a white shirt with blue skirt along with a new bag, books, water bottle, snack box and all kind of weird stuffs which made me feel happy. But once I was left into my class by my brother, I thought he would stay up with me even in school and play as like he would play with me at home. But he left me and went out of the class which was not I have expected. The next instance I burst into crying for my mother and brother. And then onwards my brother would not come to leave me at school as he would say that he doesn’t have strength in looking at me crying at him like that.

1992:

This was the year I was left alone at my home. My brother would never come to visit me often anymore as he would do before. He would not be there to play hide n seek with me, to lift me and run around my house, to buy me chocolates and macaroons which are my favorites those days and finally he will not be there not to make me feel alone. He was moving out of town for his graduation and that was when I started missing him so much. Days passed and years passed too. He would come home during his holidays with a huge pack of chocolates and macaroons and would take me for shopping and would buy all sorts of toys I would ask for and would play with me the whole time and will move out once I went to sleep as I would never leave him if I were awake. 

1997:

It was then, I was been promoted to my fifth grade. And my brother has completed his graduation and got placed in a reputed concern in Hydrebad, and he was always the topper in his class. Then this was the time I stated missing him really more than ever. Its because he would not even come to visit me once in a month. The visits got limited to once in 3months. And on one such visits by him, I was been asked to bring my parents for my monthly meet with my teachers. I was happy that my brother is here and I wanted only my brother to come with me to school this time. And once he came and attended the meeting, I was in my seventh cloud and I was been speaking about him and his talents and his very lovable character for all the year through which would have made my friends got irritated off. But I would have never ever cared off then.

2000:

I have started writing letters to my brother every now and then. And my brother would be very proud of me and my way of writing letters him in English which he would say to each and every relative of ours. He used to send printed greetings of his own for my birthdays with a big letter and I still have those treasures in my treasure box as those are my most valuable possessions.

2001:

And finally it’s the time for his inclination in his career. Yes, he was offered a job in United states and he has to move on. But then I had a kind of fear in my heart which was kind of weird and I was not able to express anything about it to anyone. But I literally cried when my brother took off to U.S in his flight and I spent few days crying to sleep by thinking about my brother. I am not going to see him even once in a year anymore. L

2003:

This was the time when I was having a myriad of emotions which I was not able to handle being a girl of 16. My brother is getting married! I was the happiest person on earth when I heard of this news and on the other said there was some kind of sadness of grief that my brother is not going to be my brother anymore as he is going to begin his own life. But I did really missed him all these years and I’m sure gonna miss him lot in future too. His marriage and reception was the one which I could not still remember even though how hard I try. It might be some kind of selective amnesia I guess or it could be like I was not physically present in that wedding as my heart was screaming out of pain that my brother is not gonna be my brother anymore.

2008:

Its been years that my brother spoke with me or my family. He started living his own life and I guess we were living in a place which is a region out of focus. He was living his life as if we haven’t even existed. I tried calling him and I was replied by my anni who said he’s not available and will inform him. But he never returned any of my calls. Days passed by and I was going to complete my under graduation when one fine day my so-called brother contacted us to inform that he is a proud father of a girl child. And I was happy about his achievement but not happy about his defeat in showing some love towards his loved ones.

2012:

A very long and unfilled gap between us and my brother made me feel as if I didn’t have a brother at all in my life. A phone call of 2 times was the least thing he did to us. And no answers for our calls or no response for my mails either. And finally came a day when he called to inform that he has come to India and he would like to visit us. My parents were happy about this though they had their story of pain in his behavior to be said. But I on the other side was not happy at that instance. But the care and affection I had for my brother made me so curious and I started preparing things for making him feel comfortable while he visits us.

I was ready with all my preparations from lunch to the arrangements for his stay which I did not leave my parents to interfere as this was the first time my brother is visiting me after I have all grown up. I was nervous all the day and I was working with a high tense as if it is a life-or-death assignment. And finally I had my brother and his wife in our home around 2 in the afternoon. They didn’t bring their child saying that she is not interested to come out as its hot in India. I was quiet disappointed. I offered them fresh juice which was not accepted by them and they haven’t been interested in having their lunch either. And finally after a conversation of half-an-hour with a glass of water they started from my home.

I had a thought of having a brother who loved me, cared me, and soothed me even when I didn’t ask for. But now the whole scenario has changed. I was expecting atleast some love, care or affection from him as a basic sister’s rights, but I was provided with the greatest disappointment in my life. And I did break into pieces and what is left here is still some love on my brother and the pain of expecting something from a person.

And I did understand few things in relationships:

1. Not every relationship stays the way it was in the beginning forever.

2. The love among the relationships doesn’t stay the same in the continuous phase of life.

3. People tend to change when time and place gets changed.

4. When newer relationships enter into our life, the older relationships might get faded unnoticing.

5. And who knows, even I might get changed once if I happen to get my life partner, my children and my own family.

6. Finally, love should never turn out to be a drug whatsoever be the kind of relationship we are in, as it might start killing us gradually at certain bitter situations. 

P.S:I STILL LOVE YOU BRO :) :) :)